May 25, 2003
Losers and Snoozers

The OffSprig's latest album is called Chinese Democracy (You Snooze You Lose). I see Axl's face the moment he learns of it. "No! Nooo!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! They can't do this to me!! They can't-- it's mine!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

"Wimper, wimper, sniff-sniff."

He's had it, "CHINESE DEMOCRACY", for 8 long years now, and he's talked about it - about having 'it' - a lot. While I understand it makes him feel smart knowing he was able to come up with it himself, it's too bad he wasn't able to manage any of those song-thingies to go along with the cover-concept. He did know, though, that there'd be a picture of him inside the front flap where he looked older, wrinklier, but also more oiled up, and just as angry as ever!

He was this close.

And now, the world is laughing. Izzy, Slash and all his ex-girlfriends are laughing. His die-hard fans are going into their garages and taking down their posters in shame. He's been beaten to the punch by a band of chumps-- the Nickelback of yesteryear.

So it's: Way to go OffSprig! Had you not made the single-most rank contribution to music in the 1990s, it might not feel so difficult acknowledging you'd actually done something funny! But you did make that contribution, and it was, as I recall, the rankest of them all, so I'm having a very hard time seeing "You Snooze You Lose" - in and of itself - as evidence of wit.

In a word, I'm conflicted. Axl left himself wide open to something like this, but Jesus - not from them.

It's just the situation itself that gets to me - the whole fact that it even exists is discomfiting enough! The nuances of it, these two entities at war out there, denigrating one another, lawsuits repressed, non-intellectual, virtually non-existent property thieved to thwart the ego of a former Rock-God, and fuel the comeback of an act who should by now - at the very least - be gone forever.

And always the question: How will it ever end?

Posted by at May 25, 2003 08:01 PM

And so, men, we can see that human skin is an even more complex and
fascinating organ than we thought it was, and if we want to keep it
looking good, we have to care for it as though it were our own. One
approach is to undergo a painful surgical procedure wherein your skin
is turned inside-out, so the young cells are on the outside, but then
of course you have the unpleasant side effect that your insides
gradually fill up with dead old cells and you explode. So this
procedure is pretty much limited to top Hollywood stars for whom
youthful beauty is a career necessity, such as Elizabeth Taylor and
Orson Welles.
-- Dave Barry, Saving Face

Posted by: Party Poker on November 4, 2004 01:46 AM .
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