May 25, 2003
Allow me...

... to set the record straight on this.

People who peel labels off their beer bottles are not sexually frustrated.

They find in their fidgeting a joyously meditative trance that enables them to tap into an other-worldliness not found at your everyday local pub.

For instance, last night, while peeling a label from a particularly cold bottle of Pale Ale, I entertained a momentary day-dream (mid-evening-dream?) that Wayne Gretzky and that annoying kid from the "I-see-dead-people" movie were coming at me on a golf cart, in a ghost town, with demons in their eyes. They were more than apparently intent on giving my ass a royal beating, but there was no point in running, as the fantasy lay in the knowledge I'd slip into Matrix-mode and do a half-dozen or so body-flips, upper-cuts and roundhouses, leaving them strewn in pieces about the town's central intersection.

There simply isn't any sexual dimension to this type of beer-bottle-peeling, and I whole-heartedly refuse to hear from anyone who says there is.

Also, anyone wishing to question my masculinity (requiring 'Matrix-mode' to take out two culturally-iconic symbols of weaklingdom) would do well to consider the day-dream's bloodless, CGI-texture, and to keep in mind that when I pulled the heart out of that kid-actor, he seemed to realize he was crying - and wasn't acting - all in the same breath. So that I'd transformed him in some way that he needed, and appreciated, even.

Were I a skilled-enough techie, I'd seal off all opportunity for comment on this post, forcing you to keep your depraved notions about violent-fantasy and sexual-repression to yourselves. But seeing as how I don't know HTML from a hollowed out blade of grass, I have no choice but to endure your petty insinuations and insults.

So go to town now, if you feel you must.

Posted by at May 25, 2003 08:05 PM
Comments

i do feel i must, don't get me wrong. but it's such a beautiful sunny morning, the brazilian rubber tree outside my window is looking so amazingly green, man, i decided as soon as i woke up i was gonna live my day without contradicting anyone.

more to come tomorrow, unless you figure html out before then.

Posted by: mutante on May 26, 2003 10:50 AM .

Let me guess - now that today's arrived, you just feel "too tired" to take me on.

I don't care!

Posted by: on May 27, 2003 09:54 AM .

Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.

Posted by: Auto Insurance on November 1, 2004 10:58 PM .
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