Mayo 28, 2003
Opposing Bums

Yesterday, filion saw two bums in a drunken death struggle that spilled out onto College street and sent cars swerving out of control.

Yesterday I saw two bums lying on the sidewalk, making out.

Posted by King at Mayo 28, 2003 03:55 PM

I just saw two pigeons fucking just outside my window. At least I think they were fucking. Then down in the laneway one of my cats was kicking the shit out of this other cat that keeps sneaking into my apartment and spraying the VCR. It only sprays the VCR. I wonder if this cat is disdainful of obsolete technology and that's why it sprays the VCR. It smells so bad. So bad! It maybe think that maybe Future Shop should abandon its hardsell approach to electronics retail and just train cats to infiltrate people's apartments and spray their VCRs and audiocassette players. At any rate this cat got its ass handed to it by my cat Olaf. Or maybe they were fucking too.

Posted by: TheDiscourse on Junio 16, 2003 10:12 PM .

I didn't in any way mean to imply that homeless people live in the dignity domain of cats and pigeons by drawing a connection between the three. Mind you, my cats (they're not really mine but they live in my apartment) probably have it better than most homeless people which is pretty awful. The other night someone I was with fired off the statistic that domestic cats kill 100 million birds per annum, mostly for fun, and that in Australia there's this radical movement calling for the extermination of all cats. That's retarded.
Also yesterday I was at the bank at College and Spadina and the smug gay teller said "I think it's pretty ironic that you're taking out all that money and there are a whole bunch of homeless people outside". No, wait, that didn't happen at all but there were some homeless people outside and two of them were doing weird sport leg stretches and the other one was going through a wallet with, honestly, 50 different credit cards. Like the wallet was overflowing with credit cards. What was all that about? I assume they were all or mostly all cancelled or something but it was really strange. Like the combined limits on all those cards would easily have amounted to hundreds of thousands of dollars. And they were doing sport stretches and drinking cooking wine.

Posted by: TheDiscourse on Junio 16, 2003 10:52 PM .

Yesterday I saw two business executives fighting tooth and nail at the foot of TD Centre, by the Mies chairs. At least I think they were fighting. I'm unclear on the mating rituals of the executive class.

I didn't in any way mean to imply that Bay Street executives live in the dignity domain of homeless people, cats or pigeons by drawing a connection between the four. I heard a statistic that executives kill 100 million birds per annum, mostly for fun, and that in Kensington Market there's this radical movement calling for the extermination of all businessmen.

Discourse, are you sure those were homeless people doing stretches at College and Spadina, rather than just the usual trash that hangs around with their shitty girlfriends, waiting to get into the Comfort Zone? It's difficult to tell, sometimes.

Posted by: adHominem on Junio 17, 2003 12:34 AM .

No way guy, pure homelessness. The stretching was only weird because the two that were doing it (the third was doing the credit card perusing) started out by just like squatting or whatever and then all of a sudden they assumed that one-leg-straight-out-the-other-leg-crooked-behind position that I could never do for very long in gym class and then they went about trying to touch their toes.

Posted by: TheDiscourse on Junio 17, 2003 01:08 AM .

An Aussie cat extermination? I don't think so Discourse Man ... you might want to reconsider who to attach that 'retarded' comment to ... I have quite a few pussies shacked up at my place and they aren't going anywhere if I have anything to do with it.
As far as I know, the cat probably felt as though its territory was threatened. They mark their territory by pissing. And if a new cat came to the house it would probably piss in the exact same spot in order to replace the first cats smell with its own. You could buy some Citronella (its a natural oil - you can also get candles scented with it). It's a cat (and insect)repellent - put it where you don't want the cats to go ... especially near the electrical equipment - a cat being electricuted while pissing on your VCR would not be a very pretty sight.
Anyway, you saw two pigeons fucking. Well, while I was trying to chase a Huntsman spider (about the size of a childs hand) out of my mothers car last week, I saw over 100 bright green caterpillars having a mass orgy ... they were all 69'ing! I didn't see them until I acidentally hit them with the broom, when I jumped back from the spider. They all scattered apart when i hit them. But when I turned around again, they were all back at it! And the whole group of caterpillars were slowly moving along the driveway while rubbing up and down against each other.
Can anyone tell me what they were really doing? If not, i'm sticking to the mass orgy story.

Posted by: Aries on Junio 17, 2003 01:46 AM .

Aries, in the rest of the world, whenever the forces of evil rear their ugly heads, our champions fight by joining their robotic lions into Voltron, who smites them with his mighty strength and even more mighty sword. This caterpillar thing looks to be, in yet another example of strange antipodean fauna, your bizarre Aussie equivalent. Surely all Outback ne'er-do-wells tremble in fear whenever caterpillars combine to form a, er, wriggly ball of caterpillars. Which battles villains with an awesome display of wriggling down the driveway.

Posted by: adHominem on Junio 17, 2003 12:29 PM .

T Dot Summer Haiku

Pigeons are fucking
Stray cats piss on VCRs
City style summer

Posted by: king on Junio 17, 2003 08:19 PM .
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