Septiembre 30, 2002
Backwards Life

Advertising wants you to "defy" age. The process by which we grow older is no longer acceptable to humans. Instead it is an enemy, to be feared and despised. We are at war on so many fronts, against so many inanimate objects and concepts. We have been in a war against Drugs for years (and thankfully drugs are winning). Now we're in a war against Terror. We are actually fighting against Terror. I, for one, will shoot Terror in its ugly fucking face if and when I see it. But who's ready to fight and die in the War Against Age? People are walking around like unsuspecting fools! And they better WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP, before age sneaks up, grabs them by the sack (or cunt) and pulls it into a wrinkled, misshapen mass of diseased putty. Medical science, facial creams, emollients and emulsifiers, now a goddamn needle so you can inject botulinum toxins that are supposed to treat muscle disorders into your FACE --creating a "beautiful", ageless, living mask -----These are our weapons against the evil Age and its effects/agents/face spies/skin terrorists.

Would we still hate Age so much if we aged backwards? If we emerged out of deep mud (or leapt out of crematorium fires) rotten and stinking, full of maggots and riddled with decay, then slowly got better. After a year or so we'd be (relatively) clean and presentable, and each year we'd get younger, more attractive, and increasingly care-free. The responsibilities of spouses and children would evaporate as they themselves grew into youth and pre-existence. We'd all happily get dumber every year! And at the not-so-bitter end, our consciousness would be open and uncorrupted by all the fears, and preconceived notions about death and dying and the unknown, and leaving shit behind, and the deterioration of our once proud flesh....

...and then we'd get sucked up into a vagina!!!

Posted by King at Septiembre 30, 2002 06:11 PM
Comments

I suppose "defying" age isn't exactly grounds for an all out war, but I can't think of any other advertising campaign slogans. I don't think there are any that actually discuss a military-style campaign against age -- yet. But there are already plenty of ads and media in general that suggest that we are, or should be, against ageing, which is absolutely fucking prepostorous

Posted by: on Septiembre 30, 2002 08:20 PM .

Ooops. I forgot my name. But I remember it now. Click on it to learn about another exciting inanimate object war.

Posted by: king on Septiembre 30, 2002 08:23 PM .

Right on.

Posted by: Gene Carmichael on Septiembre 30, 2002 10:30 PM .

Interesting piece King, FTR I agree with you. The whole botox phenomenon totally shocked and repulsed me as well. 23 year old women are getting botox injections - how fucked is that??? Shoppers Drug Mart did a great commercial last year featuring older women who were proud of their 'lines' and getting older, as trivial as it might sound, it made me feel good to see that getting older was celebrated and shed in an attractive light. The problem is the cosmetic industry is a billion dollar industry and they have designed and invented so many products that are currently being aimed and bought up by the baby boomer generation. There is a lot of money invested in the "war against ageing" and it will perpetuate untill more people like you challenge it and deconstruct it, exposing it for the load of shit that it is.

Posted by: Sassy on Octubre 1, 2002 02:30 PM .

Vagina's are awesome.

Posted by: Gene Carmichael on Octubre 1, 2002 03:28 PM .

If it makes you feel better....why not see how amazingly messed up you could really get! Have a reverse face lift, paralyze your eyelids with botox...implant third breast (or first..depending).
If the object/or subject is screwing with mother nature.
Why not!
Just be creative about it.

Posted by: american society of plastic surgeons on Octubre 1, 2002 05:52 PM .

I'm still waiting for the War Against Bladder Control Failure to begin. I hear there's been a Breakthrough in Dignity.

Posted by: D on Octubre 2, 2002 04:28 PM .

Television has been waging a War on Shame for ages now.

Posted by: croydon on Octubre 2, 2002 06:08 PM .

I agree with Gene. Check it.

Posted by: on Noviembre 7, 2002 05:20 PM .

Time's Arrow brings up one of the less appealling sides of living backwards ie taking it up the ass on the toilet.

Posted by: smartin anus on Noviembre 8, 2002 07:08 PM .

Was just taking a break and wanted to post here

Posted by: Tawnee on Abril 10, 2004 08:35 PM .

Hi.

Posted by: popup stopper on Junio 25, 2004 03:23 AM .
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