January 14, 2003
My Sister's Dream

What is interesting about a dream is the situation it represents and the logic that it follows.

This is why, to my mind, Waking Life is among the most wretched movies of all time. If Richard Linklater had spent a little more time reading about the fundamental tenets of drama ("show, don't tell") and a little less time pilfering Baudrillard in some inane quest to lecture his apparently illiterate demographic, he might have been able to avoid laying completely to waste some of the most ground breaking-animation ever rendered on film.

Ah, fury.

I think this type of thing would have done the animation justice:

Beaner's Dream

She's on an airplane going to New Brunswick. She notices some secret service men boarding the plane. They escort The President of the United States to her row, and he proceeds to sit down directly beside her. Nausea. How to cope with an hour and a half of this "up-close-and-interactive" freak-face? She can't begin to fathom talking to him but eventually, inevitably, he decides to try out some of his asinine Texas charm. While this is going on, she is wondering: Why is he going to New Brunswick of all places? What does he want with New Brunswick? Whether he is asked, or whether it just becomes apparent to him - I do not know - but it comes out that he wants nothing to do with New Brunswick. He loathes the very idea of the place. He wants to go to his ranch in Crawford and like the spoiled little baby he is, he starts throwing a temper-tantrum. "I'm not going to no New Brunswick - I don't have time for New Brunswick - I want to go Texas! I want my ranch in Texas!"

She remains calm. She tells him the plane is destined for New Brunswick and he will just have to find what they call a "connecting flight" after they land. But George has had it. He tells her he will hi-jack the plane himself if he has to. He's turning it around! My sister can't believe her ears. He can't possibly mean what he is saying, but next thing she knows he is sauntering up the aisle, Texas style, and taking matters into his own hands. My sister is paralyzed with fear. "He's going to get us all killed - he's going to get us all killed!" She starts pushing all the buttons over her head, trying to find the one that will bring up a stewardess. What can she do though, aside from watch on in horror, as he breaks into the cockpit and starts single-handedly choking the pilots?

Mercifully, the flight attendants intervene and force him into submission. Perhaps they take out the secret sevice men in the process, or perhaps the secret service men were never there to begin with. Either way - Air Canada triumphs over the leader of the free-world. He is subdued, hand-cuffed, humiliated; escorted off the plane into a media blitz.

Beaners suddenly finds herself in the eye of the storm. Reporters are calling out questions to her: At what point did it become apparent he was out of control? Did he seem drunk to you? Did you actually have the courage to try and talk him out of doing it? Do you realize pushing that button was the heroic deed that has completely transformed the world? She feels the way they are looking at her. They love her. She has become a hero to the masses, and it has happened over-night.

I call her first thing in the morning and she tells me about this, groggily. I tell her she has all of Canada in her head.

Posted by at January 14, 2003 03:56 PM

Beans - feel free to criticize the adaptation.

Posted by: on January 14, 2003 04:23 PM .

And to correct my spelling.

Posted by: on January 14, 2003 05:10 PM .

Seriously though - and I'm not just trying to save my own ass (obviously) - I think "The Tenants Of Drama" would be a good title for a movie.

Posted by: on January 14, 2003 05:24 PM .

Hey beaner, do you have access to the "call otherworld being, possibly a deity" button? 'cuz Bush seems to be hijacking the world right now, and we could use someone like you.

also, your dreams have a much better narrative flow than mine. nice.

Tenants of Drama -- the year's best thriller! Now showing at the drive-in!

Posted by: marijke on January 14, 2003 05:49 PM .

The only section missing is the hellish point at which W actually did take over the flight and flew the plane at top speed in reverse and descended to just above tree level where it looked as if we were about to wipe out legions of contented Maritime beach dwellers. Also droobs (I don't know how to make a y with eyes on top of it) to contribute further to your bile towards cell phones and their users, W had his wife on one of those tv screen cell phones and she was ranting at him to get back to Texas from his seat where he left her squaking incoherently up at me so he could commence the attempted hijacking.

Hmm, I don't know if I have my finger on a deity portal button in a dream state, though it's a very nice thought. The other night I dreamt I was sitting on a toilet in the middle of my old university's library, completely exposed to all, taking a piss, and it sure didn't feel like I was touching the hand of God.

Posted by: Beaner on January 14, 2003 10:18 PM .

Keep your eyes pealed for it Beans, it's there.

Posted by: on January 15, 2003 01:53 AM .

Flying the plane backwards: what a fabulous dream that is. K, if you're there, why don't you relate your dream about "Mr. Tambourine Man"?

I never remember my dreams nowadays, so I'm always hungry to hear about others'.

I have become the eater of dreams.

Posted by: D on January 15, 2003 02:34 PM .

Yes please! Very curious to know the sub-conscious inner-workings of a visual mathematician...

Posted by: on January 15, 2003 02:54 PM .

all of my dreams for the last 3 years have been about the end of the world. (except for the one where i was in a high-class orphanage.)

it's become depressing to sleep lately, though it's interesting to see the infinite variety of doomsday scenarios my mind is capable of. and i don't consider myself a pessimist.

Posted by: marijke on January 15, 2003 05:03 PM .
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