November 28, 2002
The War Against TWOT

Legend has it Preston waited two whole days after unveiling the name "Canadian Conservative Reform Alliance Party" before conceding it wouldn't be politically prudent to have CCRAP for an abbreviation.

What I love is that he enjoyed this epiphany with a 48 hour delay, courtesy the muscularity of his own ego. It took circulating articles across the nation, all flecked with the word CCRAP, all expressly about him, before he was returned to his, um, senses.

I like to think if there is a God, abbreviation-landmines are strategically placed in our language to illuminate the stupidity of those who want control, but lack the foresight to think up a decent sounding initials. And just as there was such a landmine awaiting the pioneer of any alliance between the Conservatives and The Reform Party of Canada, there was a daisy cutter on high for the moron who would wage war against terror.

Not only did "TWAT" blur the ever evaporating line between Dr. Srangelove, a good Onion Article, and the front page of the NY Times, it also introduced into the public domain a word no anchorman could even speak.

It's funny to me that our aversion toward this simple dirty word has led us to favour such lesser offerings as "War On Terror", or "America's War On Terror"-- whichever you prefer-- both sounding distinctly to my ear like slogans tweaked for better sounding initials. I see good reason in sticking with the orginal: After all, we must know that in the mind of the man in charge, it is us "against" them-- it is "the" war, (of both his, and all our lives,) and let us not forget, of course, that it is "War" against "Terror".

So I looked-up the word "Against" along with the word "On" and "With" for a more balanced sense of which was most fitting, (yep, this is the kind of in depth analysis I'm all about). As my eyes breezed over the italicized examples under the definition of "against", my mind was somehow made up...

row against the current.
waves dashing against the shore.
leaned against the tree.
struggle against fate.
against my better judgment.
race against the record holder.
dark colors against a fair skin.
food stored against winter.
protection against the cold.
drew a check against my bank balance.

So it's TWAT then, The War Against Terror-- the war of our lives.

Posted by at November 28, 2002 02:47 PM

so you're a pussy if you don't fight, and you're a twat if you fight, is that the idea?
damn the misappropriation of words for female parts! *sigh* we're always gettin' the shaft...

somehow the old hippie adage of "make love not war" now carries extra significance.

(incidentally, at the recent anti-war rally, that phrase was conveniently updated to "fuck don't fight", to much speculation on my part. is it a command, as in "please fuck instead of fighting"? or is it a comment, as in "for chrissake, don't fight!")

[this comment comes with a parental advisory -- explicit language, violence and some sexual content.]

Posted by: marijke on November 28, 2002 03:17 PM .

Why make love when you can have TWAT?

I love the similarity to SWAT, when it's all caps like that - makes the female genitalia sound like a secretive, specialized weapon.

Which is sort of the case.

Posted by: D on November 28, 2002 03:49 PM .

Interesting how slang that describes both male and female pleasure-centers alike takes on this derogatory connotation when it's used to describe another person.

'Pussy' has never sounded particularly hurtful to me. It's one of those things you can just smile off. But Twat? That's a word I reserve for someone who pulls an asshole signal-free right turn and sends me off my bike into a newstand.

I like "please fuck instead of fighting!" as a protest chant. I realize you weren't suggesting it, but I like it just the same. It's so... explicit, or something.

Posted by: on December 11, 2002 04:04 AM .

I have a secretive specialized weapon?? Call in the inspectors!

"please fuck instead of fighting" sounds to me like that chick who gets into the middle of drunken bar fights and tries to reason with the two, er, twats whose alcoholic daze makes them want to kill each other.
I hear it as a whine: "C'mon guys! Please fuck instead of fighting!"
But maybe I'll try and bust it out at the next protest and see how it goes over -- I think there's one next month or something. (apathetic activist that I am, I don't even know...)

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