Octubre 01, 2003

Ow, my head hurts. I'm not hung over. I'm not overtired. It's not caffeine withdrawl. Does that mean it's atmospheric? It better fuckin' not be, cause you can't quit the environment. People forget about that when they're sweeping their smelt under the river and whatnot. Have you ever driven to Hamilton on the QEW and you see those giant steel factories that have flames shooting out the top and they're right on the water and they don't rest at night either. These are 24 hour operations. Ow.

Yesterday I forgot to get my script toTerry David Mulligan in time, and so I ran up at the very last minute and he was still there on the phone and he agreed to read it but reprimanded me for 'smoking too much shit' (I'm paraphrasing) and I told him I quit smoking shit and in fact, all smokable products and that maybe that was the problem and he said: "yeah, right".

I saw Lost in Translation last night with filion, and it was pretty good. The way it was shot was cool because you really felt like a fly on the wall which is a fun way to watch stuff. But don't expect one of those adrenaline hard-ons you get from watching explosive fast-paced set-up/pay-off action films, cause you won't get one. It's cool though. The relationship between Bill Murray and the girl in it felt real, and it's great to see a film set in Tokyo.

I have to cut a spot for Startv today, Star!Bio tomorrow, The Sarah Jessica Parker E! special Friday and an opening for Fashion Cares on Saturday. In addtion, I have a spot on Vegas Showgirls due Tuesday, and the source material is 6 one hour shows so I guess I'll be cutting that Monday? Sunday?

Editing bores me to tears sometimes. It's one thing when you've come up with an idea and you're trying toi make it work, or you're editing something you've written or something, but otherwise, all I do is find a quote from whoever the spot is about -- or let's say with Startv -- it's usually 3 stories being promoted, so you find one quote from each person -- roughly 4 seconds each, then the rest of the 30 seconds is covered with voice over and clips, and that's it. I guess it's simple, but the more boring it is the more soul-sucking it is to do. And it is time-consuming, and it's a cliche but a monkey could do it, allowing that the monkey comprehends celebrity interviews, which most probably do.

That reminded me of a dream I had last night. It involved work, but it wasn't work it was like an overnight camp where I did my job, and I did walk out in the middle of a meeting having grabbed two valuable attache cases from the room. I mean I walked out, as in quit. I'm not sure what the attache cases had to do with anything or what was in them, but when I left, I stole them. This woman met me at the elevators who had been in the meeting room and it was my understanding that one of the cases belonged to her. She wasn't anyone from work but she was a devout catholic who reminded me of a friend's mom who was a part-time missionary. Anyhow, I told her that I had to walk out because the job was killing my soul and she smiled and said she understood, and I have no idea what happened after that.

Anyhow, I better get to work, cause I gotta finish all that garbage so I can get some free time to figure out what I'm gonna do for real. At least, that's the myth I've been telling myself lately. Tootles.

Posted by King at Octubre 01, 2003 02:12 PM

Really? No more smoke?!! For real?!

How is that, then?

Posted by: on Octubre 14, 2003 01:15 AM .

It's over is what it is. I lasted a week and a half. It was horrible. I went to the doctor because I was on the verge of tears at any given moment. I really can't tell you how bad my mental state was. They wouldn't let me return an 8 dollar item at Chapter's and I became enRAGED. I was screaming in the store about injustice and other nonsense I barely remember. I demanded to speak with the manager, and then when he showed up I demanded to speak with his manager. By the end of the confrontation I was convinced there was a conspiracy afoot and that I was a pawn in somebody's game. Eventually I did get my money back of course, by driving over to the head office on King st. and hyperventilating about being treated unfairly. But by that time I was sweating so much I couldn't grip the pen I used to fill out my information.
So that afternoon I went to the doctor and told her I quit cigarettes months ago and pot the week before and that I was ready to throttle someone. She immediately prescribed anti-depressants. I asked for an alternative, but she didn't have one. She said this was necessary becaused she was committed to me quitting smoking and that if I remained as agitated as I was, I was gonna go back.

I didn't take the pills. Well, that's a lie, I took one, then thought twice about it and pitched the rest. I lasted another three very dark days, then bought up some nice chronic, and I've been up and down ever since. But I'm getting better.

I don't know if this is true of other people who quit stuff, but I realise that I'm attracted to the "bad-ness" of cigarettes and drugs and booze and whatnot, though I don't drink all that much anymore. I like the feeling of doing something bad. I miss it when I'm not.

Posted by: king on Octubre 16, 2003 01:18 PM .

I forgot I asked you about this King. Glad I decided to skim your comments just now. Your quitting experience is exactly like mine! I sweat and cry and don't sleep and get explosively angry whenever I see anyone behaving in a way that makes me want to chill out with some bud.

But I find if you make it to the month mark, life gets great. Like, you're that person you never thought you could be. You're up at 6 in the morning and don't tire until midnight. You remember what you did five days ago. You surprise yourself by retaining other information that you have grown accustomed to forgetting. You stop having anxiety attacks that leave you wanting blood. Then your life becomes so totally sparkly that when they pass the cone your way, you say, "OK", and before you know it, it's over.

What about writing tho? It's a lot easier to write sans pot, no? I read some beat guy talking about it. He said, when you're high, you will always try to write the sentence that contains all of life's meaning. Sadly, that sentence can never be produced, and you are doomed to fail. His conclusion was a person had to write sober, and that pot was for the editing afterward. Pot is for editing afterward? Only some pothead beat would say so, but I have to agree.

I write a lot more when I'm straight. Unfortunately, I have to get high to know if it's right. Then when I read it and it isn't, I have to get high a second time and lie down.

Posted by: on Diciembre 11, 2003 03:39 PM .

Hmmm. No wonder I don't write any more.

Posted by: king on Diciembre 12, 2003 11:07 AM .
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