Marzo 28, 2002
Another shit website -- this one for the Lord Of Hosts. I think Christ would be disappointed. But then maybe reinvigorated by the coining of new phrases like: Christian Webservants
Posted by King at Marzo 28, 2002 03:46 PM
I like this site. I don't see what's so bad about it.
Oh by the way, Christian's my name. I'm not actually Christian.
I mean I am if you mean my name. But I'm not if you mean the religio
Religion. Sorry, that's been bugging me for almost two weeks n
OK I'm moving in over here.
I'M BORED WITH MY SITE. TIME FOR SOME NEW SURROUNDINGS.
I just figured I King could use a "cult thread." All the cool kids have them now.
Unfortunately, since everyone sees the "recent comments" list, I can't stay hidden very long.
Or can I?
Nothing to see here, folks... Just some routine computer maintenance.
No astonishing revelations.
I wonder if all Kinger's "racists and vehement anti-racists" are enjoying this?
I wonder what happened to Christian?
So Apple introduced some new stuff today. Nothing earth-shattering, however. A 20gig iPod, which I'm lovin', but a blind, brainless monkey could've seen it coming. Where's all the really dope shit? They take all the fun out of wild, baseless rumour-mongering with a half-assed crop of devices like this years'. Where's the iCamera? Your iBike? iUzi? iBrator?
Incidentally I think I'm going to spring for the powerbook g4 any time now. You hear me, bastard? You're going to be mine, bastard. Can't decide between the 667 and 800 mHz models, however.
Could I possibly be more bored at work?
Note to self: spread work assignments evenly over the course of the week.
Maybe I'll toy around in AfterEffects. Or, maybe I'll go get drunk. Drunk, compositing - what does it matter in the end?
That could be the new AfterEffects slogan. Or, "what does it matter in the end" can be used for any product, really. Coke.™ What does it matter in the end?®
*trying to keep it old-school, weblog-style* it's all about the links, baby...
Bastard powerbook - I'll have you yet, bastard.
Incidentally, there's nudity in that bible lego site. But that's the way it is: if you wanna do the Bible, you gotta make it sexy.
& I wonder how many pointless comments this makes?
23. Yikes. But then again, self-doubt is so mid-90s. This is the 00s, baby. It's all about crazy confidence. Who gives a fuck if the fuckin' shit is shit, as long as there's plenty of it -- fuck it, fuckass!
I wonder if Kinger will be mad at me for this travesty?
Shit, sorry, buddy, I made a mess in your website! Like, dude, I totally fucked it up with all this garbage!
Apple presents the iTranny®.
Funny, there doesn't appear to be a site about transexual lego. Yet. Give 'er a couple weeks. Also, there doesn't appear to be a song about Google, which is really a shame. Frankly I think Google should be elevated to minor deity status. Get Poseidon outta there, throw in Google... shake up the pantheon a bit.
Searched the web for "God".
Oh, fuck me. There has to be a better way to kill time. RIght - wasn't I writing some scripts or some shit? Sayonara, cruel I King!
I'll try some of whatever D is smoking.
It's called "Stank". He smokes it, but apparently it's a lot stronger if you "snort" it anally.
What's the definition of a "cult thread" D?
"Stank" huh? Never heard of it but then again I tend to stear clear of substances that require anal snortage.
CUlt thread is a thread/page on a website wherein someone (or more than one person) carries out activity without the knowledge of the site's user/owner. The classic example is metafilter thread 1142, which was just a normal thread until wacko/genius Neale took it over, and eventually others joined in (warning - it takes forever to load and even longer to read). Maggo started his own on d/blog - it's here (you've seen it, King). There are others on MeFi, but I'd be killed if I revealed anything.
Oh, look - I've been uncovered.
PS - I'm off the stank now, I'm into "critch" something heavy.
Back to work! Gotta take the edge off this "critch" high.
Oh man, I'm all "critched" up.
*mist comes out of ears*
Hope there are no narcs reading this! I sure am fucked up on "critch", and I'd hate for some dirty narc to fuck it up for me.
I mean pleasant law official! Sneaky, yet pleasant!
Haven't tried "Critch" either and I thought I knew my stuff. Apparently I'm missing out gotta find me some "Stank" and "Critch".
Anyone in the T-dot for the next 12 hours or so should come check out Lister at the Horseshoe, 9:30pm. Tell 'em D sent ya. And incidentally I'll be the guy in the soiled bunny outfit who's clearly all messed up on "critch."
Sassy - "Critch" is hard to come by and even harder to kick. Damn, it's fine!
*shudders horribly, tries to smile*
You know, the clock on this site is wrong. On mine too. Fucking sankey.ca can't keep time for shit. Because as sure as God shits in the woods, it's 3:14 RIGHT NOW.
I mean, where the fuck's my server at? the Mid-Atlantic? Maybe I'll move it to sealand.
You know kids, I'm pretty sure "Christian", the guy you see commenting at the top of this page, is in fact simply King masquerading as someone else. You see, King likes to pretend that a lot of people comment on his site. See if you can catch the other "pretend" characters!
Not Sassy, though. She's the real deal.
However, I'm clearly just a figment of King's imagination. "D" - har. What a wacko that King is.
You gotta hook me up D, I've been looking for a new vice for a while.
Note to self - it's probably not great etiquette to come to someone else's site and insult them repeatedly. I also called him a "dirty hippie" on another page.
That is with the "critch" - and I am definitely the real deal, an original.
If you want some "critch", sass, go to the corner of Yonge & Charles. There's a guy in a tux there who's set up a small tent - but look carefully or you'll miss him, he's small. Ask him for the "pupusa del sanko". When you aquire that (which may take great skill at wrestling, drinking and waterskiing) you can take it to any Walmart and they'll give you "critch" by the boatload.
You'll need a boat, however.
Is that all? I thought it would require a little more effort than that, phew *wipes brow* thats a relief, looks like I'll be smoking my "critch" in no time. Thanks D, I owe you one.
You don't smoke critch, you spray it into your urinary tract.
That sounds like it could be kind of a bitch to take - guess thats why they call it "critch".
Hey, I'll try anything once.
Hey, you clowns don't know anything about "critch". You've got to let a small slug into your eye. It's more complicated than that, but I don't have the time to get into it now.
Obviously I'm pretty busy with this insane comment posting rampage.
Did you know people at work can monitor everything we do on a computer?
Hi there, IT guys!
And let's not forget about the feds...
Dear IT employee:
Although it may look like I'm wasting valuable work time, in reality my Avid is digitizing an extremely dull new sci-fi series and I am unable to work until it has finished.
...and now, my Avid is dancing the tango with a neighbouring Avid, and I will be unable to work until their romance is consummated.
...and now, both Avids have embarked on a cross-country crime spree, and I will be unable to work until they are brought to justice.
I could go on, but you get the point. Why can't "the Man®" get off my back!
I've really fallen for this quote & trademark thing.
El Asador has "the best" tacos in town.
Really, they do. Had one today.
Look at this shitty review of El Asador, featuring the phrase: "Funky taqueria serving down-home Latin American street eats." Street eats. Fuck you, jackass.
...and now I'm already wondering why I had such an emotional response to that review. Ah, the mysteries of the human heart. But huzzah! Here's a much better written review.
Better written? Much more well-written? Here's a superior review.
Looks like sassy had to go back to work. Or, maybe she left work altogether.
Sayyy, there's an idea...
Augh! Couldn't do it!
Wonder what's fresh and exciting in the world today?
People are using the word asshat. You can now convert websites into music. I'm listening to d/blog right now, and it sounds like...so soothing... want to sleep... but there's that weird guy who looks sort of dodgy... he might kill me... no wait, he's crying... true porn clerk stories, a funny article from the onion, a fuckload of news and all manner of jibber-jabber about new apple programs.
Funny how I King sounds just like d/blog... sleepy... weepy... paranoid?
website > music > text description
ball, look out. Real-time media transcoding is here. I'm listening to my web-site!
"There is no moral gray area here," Tuckman continued. "This is a story of right and wrong and miracle 14-inch horse cocks................. Become a SUPERSTUD!!!"
whhoops forgot to close a tag. This HTML can be tricky.
For the love of god, man, why can't you get that line right???
Actor: Oh, what? It's "I'm back," right? That's what I said, didn't I? I said "I'm back." Just like that.
Director: NO YOU DID NOT!
*punches through beret* You said, "I'm brack." Which you are not.
Wonder if anyone's done a stylesheet for scripts? Like dude, I mean like a CSS stylesheet, dude.
So I'm waiting for these goddamned tech-help dudes to sort out my httpd.conf file. What's up with that?
Thanks everyone! Daragh the comedigeek will be performing here at Microsoft all week long.
No luck on the film script stylesheet, although I bumped into this site. He's got a great list of poster links, likes yo la tengo and Bucket of Blood... too bad he's not a gorgeous young female.
Those last two bits were hilarious dude. Better than DefComputerGeek Jam by a longshot.
I was geeking out on the way to work today thinking about a script formatting thing for blogs. Of course, my puny mind only goes as far as: Is that possible? Could there be a script formatting--Ow! OW! OW! OW! Ouch! Stop thinking! Stop! Okay...breathe...try not to think about OW!!!! OW!!!
But then again, can't we say that about everyone?
Whoops... waited too long before my sassy follow-up comment there, and a little bit of king snuck on up in there.
So httpd.conf is not the problem, apparently.
Don't you hate it when your stylesheet doesn't load in IE 6 because your doctype says XHTML? What's up with that?
Was DefComputerGeekJam a real thing?
This is the closest I've gotten to finding a filmscript stylesheet. I fucking lost my google touch, man.
Books is home. Skitfaced now operating on 20% capacity. Hey, that's a quorum, right?
Maybe books and I will pass all sorts of crazy laws.
Law #1 - monday is "all hail books & daragh day"
I can't be bothered thinking up any more laws.
Xh00: books arrives home
Xh05: books begins epic TV watching session
Can't find anything for that, king. I fucking suck on google now.
I guess I don't.
books and I watched "the sex files" - sort of a science of sex type show on one of the discovery spinoff channels (we have thousands upon thousands of digital channels now, which make watching TV a baffling ordeal, akin to air traffic controlling). Within one segment we saw a) monkeys fucking; b) an extreme, and I mean extreme, closeup of a man's hairy ball sac; and c) a shot from inside a vagina of semen splashing up in there. Good fucking god. It was a train wreck of televisual overintimacy.
I mean, c'mon, wake up, SexTV! More shots from within the genitals, please.
New! D's asscam. See what the world looks like - from inside D's ass!
Note to self: ass does not count as genitals.
Words to live by, really.
But hey - I can't be worried about every little thing.
I'm racing to get this thing up to a hundred comments.
What happens then, you ask?
Thanks, everyone. This is a real accomplishment, and I couldn't have done it without blah blah blah *yawn*
Who's kidding who, I officially don't have an imagination any more. I get halfway into setting an exciting scene, and bang! I'm thinking hey, wonder what's on TV? Maybe I'll make a sandwich. Can you tell I do this when I am procrastinatin' on some shit?
That really is enough for today folks, thanks. You've been a great blah blah blah *yawn* *click*
I'd like to buy the sentence "a train wreck of televisual overintimacy" from you. But I don't have very much money.
I can't believe it's Agosto Uno already.
El Asador really does have excellent tacos. But for me, nothing beats their corn tamale. Mmmm....
Took a really nice shit last night. It reminded me of Charles Bukowski's definition of poetry (and I'm paraphrasing here): "Good poetry is like a beer shit. It comes out fast, hot and wet."
If only someone would pay me good money to shit. I could stock up on beef and deliver two top-quality, dense, relatively odorless craps a day and really make some serious bread!
Of course, by "bread", I mean "money".
My other favourite synonyms for money include (but are not limited to):
Oil of Palms
The Long Green
and let's not forget Dostoyevsky's neat turn of phrase: "coined liberty"
[checks clock on office phone]
[thinks about getting back to soul-destroying mountain of work piled on desk]
[thinks about rewarding his curiousity with a nice Vanilla Coke]
This exclusive peek into the last minute-and-a-half of Magee's life has been brought to you by new Vanilla Coke. Reward your curiousity!
Vanilla Coke sucks poetry.
I mean, Vanilla Coke sucks good poetry.
Don't knock Vanilla Coke, that stuff rocks.
My teeth hurt when I drink it.
Oh my! What have you done to your stylesheet!
Maybe Rapmaster K needs to attend Blogging 101 this evening. (I kid because I love)
Good to see mr. bags grabbin' the I King microphone and busting that. Get back to work, jackass.
I was talking to myself there.
So... heyyyy... any opinions on the Vanilla Coke?
I find it sweet, and wet.
I've never had the corn tamale.
I should really get on that.
"Incest? It's frowned upon. But then again, what isn't these days?"
Why doesn't Nike make tacos? El Asador's so freakin' unbranded.
Although I'd kill for an El Asador t-shirt.
Busy day at work D? (LOL)
I find the Vanilla Coke to be a major wash-out. The vanilla flavour only kicks in as an aftertaste, and the whole thing's got a very "chemically" feel.
Personally, I stick to Jones Soda. Now that's good drinkin'!
Another nice thing about El Asador? The price!
You can stock up on tacos and nachos and pupusas until your gut ruptures, spilling guacamole and jalapenos into the chest cavity where they'll give your lungs a delightful Mexican flavour, all for under $8!
And let's not forget all the strange, vaguely moonshiny Central American beers...
News flash! He-Man, Master of the Universe is back!!
That's right. Judging from the He-Man action figure I just received here at work, Mattel has re-designed He-Man for the new millenium. Now he's svelter, has better hair and boasts an enormous sword that looks like it has circuitry all over it.
All I can say is, if they don't bring back Hordak, I'm going down there and busting heads.
Sassy, that was simply five minutes of high-octane commenting. Amped up on "critch," and such.
I don't remember Hordak. Was he one of the little rascals?
No, no. Hordak was the leader of the Evil Horde (hence, his horde-themed moniker). He was the head honcho of the He-Man's B-List bad guy gang. In fact, Hordak and his pals were so bottom of the barrel, they ended up spending most of their time doing battle with She-Ra, Princess of Power.
I can only imagine how much Skeletor and Beast-Man must have teased him...
Hey, don't knock She-ra, that chick kicked some ass and was hot to boot.
D- that critch is some fine stuff and does wonders for your bantering ability, forget rehab!
Hear hear. She-Ra, my earliest known childhood crush. (look at all the other toys they had - Scratchin' sound cattra! Entrapta says: "I help Catra make mischief in Etheria. With my golden beauty, I trick She-Ra and her friends into coming near. When they get close, I trap them in my long colorful braids.")
rehab: Well, I checked myself in saturday, but broke free ten minutes later and went on a bit of a bender. I'm fine now, I've totally kicked the habit - I'm totally clean.
*places critch slug in retina, gets into coffin*
Augh! Fuck everything, man!
Congratulations on kicking the critch - hope you keep it up and don't go all Robert Downy Jr. on us.
Looks like the congrats were a little premature, *shrugs* oh well, as long as you don't wake up in some little boy's bed in some random mansion in Beverly Hills you should be o.k.
Fuck critch. I'm all about the "nuke".
(good old RoboCop 2...)
Jesus! What the fuck happened to my site?! What did I do?
as long as you don't wake up in some little boy's bed in some random mansion in Beverly Hills...
You speaking from experience Sassy? ;) Sounds like a scene from The Trip with Fonda and Hopper. Great film.
Please note that the tutorial there may be a little out of date. (just checking it now) Should still be the fundamentals though
Hey, thanks for fixing this shit D. I'm gonna go buzz y now.
Oh my God, y is already amazing. I'm depressed.
It's funny that I wrote that I was depressed. I'm so fucking excited right now. About everything.
You guys are nuts! Everyone knows that drugz is the best drug. Critch is so Des Moins, Iowa styles and fully yesterdays hang over dump. Drugz man, drugz. It looks like Play-Doh and you just rest it between the bottom of your dick and the top of your balls. Then get someone to kick you in the critch.., I mean crotch. Presto!
Mags, is the he-man made in the likeness of Dolph Lundgren, I hear he's a tranny in Jersey right now.
y's just got one of the default templates. See here if interested. I love that you're linking to him before he's even written anything... apply the pressure baby!
You speaking from experience Sassy? ;) Sounds like a scene from The Trip with Fonda and Hopper. Great film.
I guess you aren't up to date with Hollywood's current events D, last year the police arrested Robert Downy Jr. because he ended up breaking into some people's house in Beverly Hills during one of his crazy binges, they found him passed out in their youngest son's bedroom. He was cranked up on way to much blow and critch and apparently couldn't find his way home - can't say thats happened to me, atleast not yet.